Bayer: The Ultimate Winchester
by SockpuppeTroll
Summary: The chronicled story of one of the greatest heroes in Winchester family history and how Sam and Dean came to know him. WARNING WINCEST! no just kidding lol. No, but serious tho threse wincest. just a little though.


Bayer: The Ultimate Winchester

"Jeez Dean, way to get your Ackle-Sauce in my hair!" Sam said to his lover/brother in a huff. then Dean was like "sorry dude." and the kissed and made up. And Sam was like "Dude. I call first shower!" And Dean is like "Fine. You can have first shower. But we have to get ready to fight Demons and stuff because the world is ending and it's yooourrrr fault!" And then Sam said "It's both our fault, Dean because they broke open most of the seals while we were too busy having gay smex"  
Then Sam walked into the shower all naked and bronze like and closed the shower curtain and took a shower.  
This gave Dean time to think. Time to think about how it all went wrong. How he became gay lovers with his brother instead of being the savior of mankind by not letting satan come back to life from breaking the seals. It all started that time at Bobby's house. He and Sam were drunk and they were dared to make out. By Bobby. And while they were about to kiss all the sudden Castiel burst in and said "Sam, Dean. We need your help. Otherwise another seal will be broken. Come on." What happened next would change their relationship forever.

Sam got out of the shower and said "Hey,Dean! Stop fucking thinking and get in the shower". And then Dean said "I was just thinking about how we became gay for eachother" and then Sam said "Well, I must admit that is a crazy story and I didn't expect us to become gay lovers out of that situtation either but get in the damn shower 'cause we're not talking about it no matter how amazing the story is"

And then Dean got in the shower and picked up his loofa and said "I'm going to wash myself!" Dean began to wash himself only to realize he still had all his clothes. He called to Sam "Sam, I still I have all my clothes on!!"  
"Big Deal" Sam called back "That just means that you don't have to wash them in the machine. Saves time. Time for fighting Lucifer" Then after they were done with that they got in the Impala and drove to Castiel's house. The odd thing was Castiel lived next to Fran Dreschier and Chuck Norris and had them over for tea. When Sam and Dean got there they said "I'm glad they're both here. Hey Chuck Norris and Fran Drescheir! YOu guys are both really powerful. Chuck you have amazing powers and Fran, you're so annoying you'll scare all the demons away. We need your help to save the world. AGAIN" BUM BUM BUUUUUUUM!!! "No way, Jose." Fran said as she continued to paint her nails. "I'll do it!"  
said Chuck as he donned his cowboy hat and spurred boots. "Let's go then." said Cas as they began their loong journey to the guy posessed with Satan. As they approached Satan's stronghold, a thought occured in Dean's head. "What if his Sammy dies? then their child would die too."

"YOURE PREGNANT!!!!!!????????!!!!!!???????!!1" Cas exclaimed confused.  
"Yeah," Sam responded."Dean knocked me up." Cas scratched his head confuzedly. "He's not a girl." "It's ok Cas, he has a vagina."  
Dean said, clearing things up. Dean's hermaphroditic brother looked at him with discontent. "you know I have to come.  
I can help with my demon powers." "Ok" said Dean as they rushed toward the door, knocked it down witrh Sam's force push and started taking down Beelzebub's armed guards. Dean shot them with the colt, Sam used more force push, Castiel used magic angel beam, and Chuck, who took the most of them down, used the good old fashioned nut shot. He began round house kicking minions in the nuts left and right until they were all on the floor either dead or crying and dead. A slow clap was heard at the ende of the huge ass hall.  
It was that guy who's family was dead who got posessed by Satan. "Bravo" he said in a James Earl Jones-esque voice. "But did you really think it would be that easy?" All of the sudden, Jesus Christ, The Nostalgia Critic, and Mario emegred from the shadows ready to take on this Barber's Quartet of Benevolence with gusto. " GO, my satanic minions!" Satan commanded "Kill them all! I'll take Dean. AND KILL HIM!" Mario began throwing mushrooms ande fireballs at Cas who quickly doidged them and began to throw bibles. Meanwhile, Sam was trying to fend off the Nostalgia Critic who kept bolstering him with blasts from the past. "Remember Kazaam? That movie sucked."  
he'd say and Sam would retort with "I know, SHUT UP!!!!" And while that was going on, Dean was getting his as kicked by Satan. Satan was like "Maybe if you'd been Michael's vessel, you woulda survived." and Dean said. "shut up" as he got knocked into wall after wall.  
The white carpet became red with his blood when all of the suddeen dean said "look" Satan dumbly looked and Dean kicked him right in the nads causing him to recoil and notice Norris and Christ having at it. Dean began to laugh as he looked over at Sam who was kicking the crap out of Doug.  
"What happens when an unstoppable force reaches an immovable object?" Dean asked. "Popcorn?" Sam asked? "Popcorn." Dean said back with a badass look on his face as a sea of popcorn eminated from the center of what used to be Jesus and Norris.

The room flooded with po0pcorn as Jesus and Chuck began to fluctuate with power. "you need to get out of here now." Chuck said "I can 't control my power much longer." "me too." jesus said "you're gona have to kill us. use the colt. it's the only way." "But wait," Sam asked "I have to know, how do i get into heaven? what's the real religion?" "Atheism, my child, atheism, my child, atheism." "He's right!" Dean said and he punched both Chuck and Jesus in the face killing them instantly. "Maybe if you were real, you didn't die." He said as he spit on their rotting corpses. Only one problem: the room was still filling with popcorn. It was up to their necks now and it wouldn't be long before they were buried."Satan please help us." Sam said. "You're the only one who can eat all this popcorn. "And why would i do that?" Satan asked. "Because you're a good guy. You don't have to be evil." "what are you talkin bout? I'm Satan?" "well yeah, but ceck this out." Mario said "Satan backwards is Santa" said Mario.  
"That's not true, that's impossible!" Santa/Satan said confused and scared. "you know it in your heart to be true said Dean. Now stop your bitchin.  
"But I live in the North Pole, not hell!" "Same thing, fucktard." "Oh yeah. Ho ho ho. Santa said as he put his hat on over his horns which broke his hat and caused it to rip holes for the horns." And Santa ate up all the popcorn and saved the day. And he said, "Well, ho ho ho, the Apocalypse is officially canceled. You guys are welcome to hang out with me at my Santanic beach house any time." "Ya know," said Dean, "We just might take you up on that offer." And they all shared a good laugh.  
The End? NO!!! To be continued, bitchfags.


End file.
